“…I just CAN’T.” she whispers, her eyes glistening with the ghosts of Doctor Who Companions past… hand clasping desperately onto the Ravenclaw robes of the Fanboy to her right, tears for Sherlock pooling on his face as he rocked back and forth.
“It’s not supposed to be like this…” he whispered over and over, shivering, “My feels… not Sherlock, not the Ponds… Moffat… why?”
In the haze of panicked uncertainty, the Fanboy nearly logs out of Tumblr… which is considered a terrible sacrilege at the current time, no matter how much the gifs streaming in from international sources made them cry… Lightning fast, she reacts, to save his sanity. “No don’t!” screams the Fangirl, halting his hand before he made a terrible mistake. “I know how you feel, the unending pain in your Feels, but this isn’t the answer… come on, let’s just reblog some Destiel and Johnlock until we pass out.” she laughed, and he made a feeble attempt at the noise as well, “Well, Sleep is for the weak…”
And then, something akin to the Fire Nation attacked…
With a deafening boom, the door to their room is kicked in, causing the fandom bloggers to cower in surprised fear… Reality was trying to intrude on their world!
…it must be stopped at all costs.
Curtains were harshly drawn back, exposing the poor pair to copious amounts of sunlight almost as Glorious as Loki Laufeyson or Tom Hiddleston himself… they hissed, it burned.
Two shining figures stood in the doorway, bodies and hair appearing to be impossibly perfect, clothing… admittedly on the weird side, but fashionable, and intensely attractive… the Fandom Bloggers shrunk back in panic. Oh god, their world was being invaded by Hipsters!
How would they cope?
What did the Hipsters want of them?
How could they not be the Socially Awkward Penguins in this very situation…?
What? What? WHAT?
The light died down as the male and female Hipsters came into the room fully, clothing scanty, and bodies gleaming…
Generally not helping the awkward-enough-as-it-was-without-comparison Fandom Bloggers, who found themselves feeling rather inadequate next to them. The pair having given up caring what they looked like with the mere exception of making certain to wear trenchcoats, robes, fezzes and bowties –because bowties were cool.
“Hello there,” started the female Hipster, being rather civil as she struck an intensely attractive pose that would have melted the majority of normal people who gazed upon it. The Fangirl and boy’s eyes went wide at the excessive kawaii-ness, but all the male Hipster said was a simple, “Perf. So Hot.”
There was no reply from the fans… in fact, it appeared one or both of the Fandom Bloggers may start hyperventilating at any second –though whether from their good looks or simply the forced social contact with someone with whom they shouldn’t have anything in common, neither side really knew. The Male Hipster made a move first, leaning over to the female Hipster to whisper, “I don’t think they understood that, perhaps you should try it in their native language?”
She nodded and approached the desk the Fangirl was slowly disappearing under, “Tumblr vous asdfghjkurywqetllkjfblakfjbvlafv ?” Her hand stretched out to touch, make contact, thus eliciting a squeak from the other… and then, unexpectedly, there was a loud Fangirl squee, before the female Hipster was pounced upon…
Seemingly forgotten in all the chaos, the Fanboy was avidly staring at the scene from behind his bed, eyes wide and suddenly feeling very vulnerable… like Ten after he lost Rose… or Eleven when the Ponds-… the Ponds-… he burst into tears again and sank behind the bed. Moffat was such a bastard…
“Hey, you okay there, bro?” a smiling face wearing the latest design in sunglasses and boardshorts –but not much else- looked down upon him, extending a hand that was as sunkissed as the Fanboy’s was sun-avoidingly pale. Hell, he and the Fangirl could replace the moon spirit, if she ever wanted a night off to be with Sokka –oh god, that thought set off Avatar: The Last Airbender Feels that the Fanboy bravely fought down…
The Male Hipster seemed confused, and withdrew his hand to crouch down, “So… I’ve been watching your blog, blogs… we both have,” he glanced at the female Hipster who had recovered, but had a Fangirl clinging to her with a death-grip-style hug that looked like it would bruise. She nodded back, prying vice-like arms from her lithe, tanned body…
“ALL THE FEELS!” Erupted both the Fandom Bloggers in tandem, startling their far less socially awkward counterparts; the cry seemed to bring a sense of normalcy to the whole proceedings for the Fans, although the Hipsters were surprised, they seemed genuinely glad the others were calming down. But suddenly, events took on an acidic turn…with the Female Hipster being released swiftly, as if contact with her burned the Fangirl… and the Fanboy glaring at the male Hipster with a dark look it was almost frightening.
“Hipsters…” they hissed, forming a strange group mind, and backing away. “Why have you come here, defiled our sacred space? To taunt us for not being as flawless and perfect as you…? We have nothing to offer your kind… so leave, leave now… and never come back.”
You could almost see them retreating into themselves, it was in their eyes… eyes that were too old and sad, eyes that knew too much, and had seen so much sorrow… generally thanks to the heartless Steven Moffat. Such as it has always been, when introverts and extroverts clash… the Hipster and Fandom Blogger can never truly co-exist… such are the laws of Tumblr. The Laws of the Universe.
Time can be re-written, the Doctor once said, but certain things and points are fixed. This was one of them… or, was it?
“But-… I really like the way you, you know… reblog my random text posts and add an appropriate Doctor Who gif… or a funny comment, I love your weird sense of humour!” the female Hipster smiled, her stunning eyes locked onto the dewy, kawaii ones of the Fangirl. Like a timid creature, the Fangirl moved closer, and closer still in slow movements…
“You… you notice my reblogging your posts? B-but, aren’t you Tumblr Famous? Both of you? How could you possibly even know my, our, urls when there are thousands upon thousands of others liking and reblogging everything you post…? Even if it’s mispunctuated text posts…” she muttered the last bit to be polite, but they didn’t appear to take offence.
Hipstergirl reached out to brush back a lock of unruly hair that strayed over Fangirl’s face, “I followed you back, silly…” she whispered with a smile, that fell to a serious expression as the Fangirl whispered, ‘But…why?’
Hipsterboy, still crouched by the flat-on-the-floor-from-overwhelming-feels Fanboy, slid closer to him… sliding a hand up the other’s robes to tug on his Ravenclaw tie. “’Because, Reasons’… wait, did I pronounce that correctly?”
The Fanboy flushed a deep scarlett, fervently realising that if this were an anime, he would not so much have a nosebleed right now… but in fact a fire hydrant of blood shooting out of his face…
Hipstergirl moved closer, arms twined about Fangirl’s shoulders, body pressed close; actually, a little too close for comfort… red alerts were going off in Fangirl’s mind like you would not believe! That was, until Hipstergirl began to speak in a mystical Helvetica tone of voice that sent shivers down her spine to hear, “Because… you are like fire, and ice… and rage against those who ship against your OTPs…”
Hipsterboy slid himself up Fanboy’s suddenly rigid body until their chests were touching, the soft Hogwarts robe tickling his bare flesh as he whispered seductively, “You are like the night, and the Anon in the Heart of my Blog… You are clever and individual. Reblogging my posts and filling my dash with the radiance of a thousand suns…”
Fanboy was honestly starting to freak a little, human contact was one thing… this was a level he was unprepared for… and he suddenly had ALL THESE FEELS. Were they-… misquoting Doctor Who, just for them…? Did Hipsters even watch the show and understand the complexities, feels and sadness-es involved with being emotionally attached to a 900 year old plus alien time lord (with the intention to fuck his brains out if possible) whose brief encounters with humans always end in agony on all sides…?
Fangirl’s breathing quickened as Hipstergirl whispered directly into her ear in perfect synch with Hipsterboy, “…and… you are Wonderful.” She shivered, suddenly not sure exactly what to say… Fanboy seemed unable to utter a single thing either; the pair were utterly stunned, both unsure how to respond to real human affection…and then it hit them…
“Alt Reblog!” he screamed, as Fangirl stated in a very comics sans way, “Ladyboner!”
The Hipsters laughed, “I think we broke them!” stated Hipstergirl, sliding a gentle hand up to touch the Fangirl’s face, attempting to gain some attention from the attractive creature who seemed to be mentally making the whole moment into a gif (to reblog in her brain much later on while crying over Johnlock and Ponds FEELS)… but Hipsterboy smiled in a slow-motion manner that simply screamed, ‘Instagram me in Black and White’, and said, “Oh, I think they’ll come around…” and licked up the side of Fanboy’s face. Which was traditional playful Hipster greeting protocol, if the gifs were to be believed… they were only being friendly.
To make a long story short… it worked. And by ‘it worked’, of course, it is implied that the two fandom bloggers immediately reacted with nonsensical words, much feels, screaming and hand flailing… Fanboy flung himself out from under Hipsterboy, realising with an adorable flush just how close they had been, “I-…you-…but-… What?” he stammered, not processing the moment or firing on all cylinders…
Likewise, in a series of acrobatic manoeuvres that Fangirl hadn’t even known she was capable of committing moments ago (or ever again, for that matter), she had evaded the Hipstergirl’s arms, flipped over the bed with all the flexibility of a rubber cat while screaming, “Get the Motherfirebolting Salt!”, and had slid in behind the bed beside Fanboy. Peering out like children who had just heard a spooky noise at night, brave enough to look, but not Gryffindor enough to tempt the monster into eating them…
Rolling his eyes with a smile that could have been attractive at any camera angle, Hipsterboy tapped Fanboy on the shoulder, “Hey sexy, still here… wanna play a game of Doctor Who?” The Fandom Bloggers looked at each other, uncertain, then shuffled further away… the hipster sighed in exasperation. Hipstergirl took charge, “Come on, we won’t hurt you… unless you like it that way, of course… we’ve read some of your Fanfiction. Very… imaginative, never thought of Watson using his cane like that, Fangirl… and it took me ages to look at a cake the same way after Fanboy’s Mycroft Fanfiction…”
“Would it help,” interjected Hipsterboy, “if we showed you we’re here because we kind of like you like you, and not just messing with you…? Because both of us are really, truly, quite serious here… I don’t know what we were expecting when we got here but… damn, I didn’t think you’d be so-… Perf.” Fangirl squealed, and promptly fell over Fanboy, tangling herself around both he and the Hipsterboy for a hug, as she held them close and whispered, “You’re just too precious for this world…” in her best impersonation of Sam Winchester.
“Hah! I get that reference!” smiled Hipstergirl, grinning like Captain America in Avengers. She leant over the bed and gently disengaged Fangirl from Hipsterboy, who then took up a sort of ready-to-pounce position an arm’s breadth from Fanboy. Strangely enough, it was a general glimpse of something on Hipsterboy’s shoulder blade that actually drew suddenly-less-timid-but-still-blushing-like-a-neon-sign-in-Vegas Fanboy to him, in slow, steady shuffling motions… “Is that… what I think it is…?” he asked, interested but trying not to be…
Hipsterboy pounced, closing his arms about the hapless Fanboy and whispered hotly, “Why don’t you look down and see…?” and so, Fanboy did. On the Hipster’s back was what appeared to be an intricate tattoo centred in the shape of… the Deathly Hallows, but made of tiny, tiny words, no… wait… the words were… OTPs, ships and quotes he loved… Even the strangely erotic toasted cheese sandwich/rock ship was mentioned. Who were these people and how long had they been stalking their blogs to know all this…? He wondered.
Fangirl eyed the impressive cleavage of Hipstergirl… not for any perverted reason, mind you… but because it was the first time she’d noticed the spiral of tattoo that peered out from under the bikini part. “Curious?” Hipstergirl smiled, and without further warning, flashed the room… Fanboy fainted on the spot, leaving Hipstergirl to grab Fangirl before she could follow his example, thus giving her an intensely close encounter of the 3D (or should that be 12DD?) kind.
Fangirl was ecstatic, intimidated and a little bit ladybonered… all at once. Hipstergirl sure had quite the pair, but it was what was carefully tattooed in Gallifreyan, that really got to her. “Is that…? Those are my ships, but the shape, does that read…?” her mind, being fandom-prone as it was, had already translated it… even without the help of the TARDIS, but she looked up (with difficulty) for confirmation… “‘Death to Moffatt, Feels Destroyer and Troll Master’? Why yes, that is exactly how it reads in Gallifreyan… I think… you reblogged a translator once, and that’s what we ended up using.” Smiled Hipstergirl.
Fangirl found she had to sit down, maybe hyperventilate a little, help her sort all this out…
Meanwhile, Hipsterboy was doing his best to reawaken Fanboy (who had passed out upon sighting what can only be described as ‘chest cannons’ pointed at his head), and finally decided that mouth-to-mouth (though tempting) probably wouldn’t achieve much. In defeat, he simply sat beside the pale boy and rested the fandom blogger’s head on his lap…
Fangirl flopped onto the bed, breathing quite fast… then paused her panicking, looked over and noted the dilemma before shouting, “SHERLOCK SEASON 3!” at the top of her lungs; Fanboy couldn’t have moved quicker if he’d been The Flash himself.
“WHERE?! Oh… sorry, er… that’s doesn’t normally happen…” he flushed, catching himself, and slowly acquainting himself with the two large items slowly being put away by Hipstergirl, taking a deep calming breath to avoid fainting again…
“You were serious, then… weren’t you?” Fangirl whispered, eyes slightly glazed as she sat up slowly, a rosy flush suffusing her cheeks and giving her an intensely kawaii appearance that made Hipstergirl want to ravish her into the floor. “Of course, you’re just so… unique, we both made secret extra blogs just to follow you… didn’t you ever wonder where your sudden influx of likers were pouring in from?” laughed Hipsterboy, “Oh, no… not like that… we didn’t ‘promote’ you like Tumblr-whores, you’re too classy for that… no, we just reblogged your posts and stuff back and forth until our followers got into the groove and decided to follow you. Like, yeah… they didn’t follow you because we told them too… didn’t think you’d like that…” The fandom blogger’s tension ebbed away…
“So, uh…” Fanboy flushed scarlett, looking like a large boy Lolita as he did so, “…we were going to play Doctor Who…? I’ve got a sonic screwdriver, tweed jacket and bowtie in the closet… don’t think it will fit you though, too big…” he stated, eyeing (let’s face it, by now he was simply perving) Hipsterboy, who laughed. “As much as I’d like to take your bowtie off with my TEETH… I’d prefer not to give you a hearts-attack…”
He moved closer, knocking Fanboy into a sitting position on the bed, before sitting astride him like mounting a motorcycle; watching Hipstergirl mirror his actions with Fangirl. He licked Fanboy’s face again, and said in a low voice, “Your Sonic Screwdriver… it doesn’t do wood, right? …I do.”
Hipstergirl wiggled a little as she sat in Fangirl’s lap, giggling as she stared intently into the other girl’s eyes… “Would you like to see my TARDIS? It’s bigger on the Inside… or should I say, Come along, Pond…?”
In perfect tandem, the two Fandom Blogger’s eyes rolled up into their heads, and the pair fainted onto the soft bed, only just avoiding clonking heads. The Hipster stood, sighing, but smiling… this could be a potential problem in future… fainting whenever someone made, well, any kind of suggestion or move towards them… They stirred seconds later, scarlet in the face in embarrassment, mouths opening and closing, trying to find the words to explain, but all that was coming out seemed to be ‘adfjgslkufsglkjasdg;ashj;!!!’ nonsense. Neither Hipster was fluent enough in Fandom Tumblr to understand what they were saying… but a few tentative deep breaths and some back patting later, the fandom bloggers were fine and ready to go.
“We’re sorry, we thought if we came at you from your own level it would help us connect with you… no not that wa-… well actually, yes that way, but not… wait, what date is this?” Hipstergirl made a great show of checking her phone for the date and year, then gasped dramatically and nudged Hipsterboy.
Who then swore in what sounded like Elvish and turned to the Fandom Bloggers, “Oh guys, we’re so sorry… no wonder you were so hesitant… we haven’t-… we’re not-… we’re too early in the timestream. We thought you already were our-… I mean, the you we know are our partners, I bet we haven’t even told you how much we love you yet, have we? Oops. We haven’t. Probably because this,” he gestured between himself and Fanboy, Fangirl and Hipstergirl, “hasn’t already happened yet. You see, Time is not so much a linear progression…” he started, only for Hipstergirl to interject with, “…as it is a big ball of-…”
“…wibbly-wobbly…” Hipsterboy filled in.
“…timey-wimey…” she countered.
“…Stuff.” The four occupants of the room breathed together. And without warning, eyes met eyes… then Fanboy and Fangirl pounced… lips met lips and the two new pairings crashed to the floor on either sides of the beds… Someone somewhere managed to call, ‘I ship this!’ before disappearing again…
Much later, when Hipsterboy and Hipstergirl were hoisting themselves up by the bedframe gasping for air (having learnt what several years of Hiddles-related sexual frustration unleashed when provoked), they looked to each other with wide eyes…
“What…” he started, “…was THAT?” she finished, smiling and shaking her hair back into its naturally flawless state. “Sexual Frustration, damn those Ass-vengers… None of them are quite as nice as yours, though… God I love you!” supplied Fanboy, as he rose up from behind Hipsterboy, leaning in until the Hipster put his arm around the other and pulled him close as the Fandom Blogger whispered, “I have Feels for you… good Feels…”
Hipsterboy planted a kiss on the other’s forehead, “Me too… Love you too Fanboy, you have no idea how amazing you two really are, do you? I‘d even… what word was it, ‘ship’? I’d ship us!” Fanboy blushed, but beamed broadly… he’d found his OTP for life. Screw Destiel… he’d ship the hell out of this pairing… oh, and Hipstergirl/Fangirl.
“I second that, my Feels are in a tailspin right now… but I love you more than Destiel, HipsterGirl! We’re a real-life OTP… never thought that would happen to me… or that that person would be so perfectly flawless I could compare them to Loki…” stated a female voice from the floor. Hipstergirl smiled downwards, “Especially when we’re busy… that was interesting. You slipped into your native language at the end, I couldn’t catch most of it, but I’m pretty certain ‘jhgfjhaoghghperf!’ stood for ‘I love you’…” The floor giggled at Hipstergirl again, who continued, “In that case, ‘jhgfjhaoghghperf!’, Fangirl…”
Hipstergirl started as the Fangirl slid up her back, like a warm serpent, to rest her elbows on the bed and grin cheekily at the Fanboy. Their eyes gleamed as if sharing a private joke; it was at that exact moment in the space-time continuum that Hipsterboy finally asked, “Yes but… where did that come from? Sexual frustration can only account for so much…and well, why? All we had to do was mention the non-linear progression of space and time, then… boom… how is that even POSSIBLE?!”
Fangirl looked to Fanboy.
Fanboy looked to Fangirl.
Their voices intermingled as they responded to the flabbergasted Hipsters/new OTP partners beside them, “SPOILERS, Sweetie.” It took a minute, but they all ended up laughing…
But through their laughter and newfound love for one another, a dark thought lingered in each of their minds… They had broken an everlasting law of the universe, Fandom Bloggers and Hipsters could not technically… well, ‘co-exist’ was not a word that could adequately cover what had occurred on the floor, but it held the same meaning… Would this destroy all they had known and trusted? Or were they worrying over nothing?
Was this destined to end in a Romeo and Juliet style tragedy, tearing Tumblr apart at the seams as the two factions went to war over this pairing? Only time would tell… but for now, they were real… and they were here. As long as there was a hand to hold, someone to laugh with them and yell words of love in Tumblrian… everything was alright. The world held meaning.
Hipsters and Fandom Bloggers, OTPs… even if it cost them everything.